Day Two

If someone had followed me around with a recording device for the past ohhhh 13 yrs, you would have recordings of me saying things like this countless times:  "I am so not cut out for homeschooling.  Wow, there are some moms who are really good at homeschooling, I don't know how they do it.  I would only homeschool if I absolutely HAD to. Homeschool? Over my dead body....eventually over my kids' dead bodies!"

And here I am, September 7, 2011, on my 2nd day of homeschool. Do I know what I am doing? No bloody way! Am I ready? Not even close! Am I doing it anyway? You bet - bring it ON!

Now, I should clarify, we are doing online school, gov of Alberta curriculum...so it isn't just me.  I have a team behind me. Wow, imagine if it WAS just me! Ha!

This year, 2 are in public school and the eldest 2 are home with me. I won't speculate about the years to come. I think the hardest thing about this choice was actually telling my family. They won't say much to me but I can imagine what they say to each other about it! I won't even go there - besides, they live 17 hrs away.

Alright, in the shower I get...bring on Day 2!

Yesterday

• Yesterday was one of those days I knew that i should probably get parts of on paper before they whisked off right out of my head. I had to stop at the dreaded superstore and while there decided to take my shaggy headed Lukey for a haircut. The lady did a lovely job and he sat so nicely for her. As I paid, I didn't tip her, I normally would but I had this nudge not to. Wierd, I know. Anyway...as we were putting our groceries away, a gentleman came up and asked if he could put our cart away for us - for the loonie, because he and his girlfriend were out of gas. I had been approached similarly in Kamloops, but by much younger people. I would say this guy was in his 30's and very polite. As I gave him my cart I knew I was to do something else. I got my kids into the truck and scoured the parking lot for him - found him putting away another cart. I went over and handed him the $5 would-have-been-tip. I told him that we had been through our share of tight times and wished him the best. He then proceeded to pull out his wallet and show me that he has a Class One driver's license and had been trying to find work but none of the big companies were hiring for at least a month. I prodded a little further - 'did you just move here?' Yes, from Edmonton and he and his girlfriend are living in his car...and it was all okay as long as his girlfriend kept warm. I wished him the best and sent him on his way, all the while wondering if I should have done more. Should I have asked him if he knew Jesus? Should I have bought them a hot meal? Should I have made sure they had proper blankets and such? THIS is where my heart is and i have been reminded of it time and time again lately. I don't know where God will lead me to but I am willing.
• So that was one part of my day, the other was on the drive home. I had my encounter with 'the least of these' and now He wanted to minister to me. I struggle greatly with feeling low because of my appearance. My teeth are crooked and nasty and sadly that often consumes the way I feel about me. I feel ugly and that everyone must perceive me that way. I generally don't like to look at myself in the mirror...it is just easier to not. Now I know most people would tell me "Give me a break Penny, you are so far from ugly..." etc but the truth is these are my feelings. So, again I was dwelling on this on the way home and oh so clearly He spoke to my spirit. "Penny, I want to make you beautiful on the inside. You will see that none of this will matter then...let me make you beautiful, you will see!" I cried. It is so much the truth, I need to allow him to clean things up on the inside and it WILL shine through. He is SO patient with me. Thank you Jesus.

Broken Things

As I was hanging clothes on my broken clothes line this morning, I started myself a little pity party. My inner monologue went something like this, as I hung clothes on my busted line, "Sure would be nice if this line was working properly but it is broken and that is how things go around here. We break things and they never get fixed but they are things we need so I continue to use them in their broken form." Off the top of my head, I can think of a few things around here that are broken but still used. Our lawn mower - the riding one is busted beyond use. The push mower is not in good shape - there is a wheel that continually messes up or falls off (yes, falls off). My vacuum cleaner has some sort of short so that every time I pull it back, it stops working. Makes for interesting vacuuming. We have a number of chairs that should hit the trash, they are broken. Oh, the weed eater too...it is being held together by duct tape. Oh and how could I forget the Honda? Our 2006 Honda Civic is broken too...and now I am living my life without a vehicle.

My mind went to brokenness in a different light. Broken people, broken spirits, broken lives. What does God think of brokenness? what are we to think of brokenness? Am *I* broken beyond repair? Has my heart been broken? How do we fix what is broken - can only God fix the broken? I recall something in the Psalms that goes something like this 'a broken and contrite heart you will not despise...' I need to do some digging in scripture to discover what it has to say about brokenness. After all it is LIVING and active and sharper than any 2 edges sword...able to cut to the deepest parts...

This will probably be an ongoin study for me. In fact I have even less time than I thought, so only one verse this morning!
Psalms 34:18
18The LORD is near to the brokenhearted And saves those who are crushed in spirit.

Brokenhearted and crushed in spirit...are they one in the same? Going to look at a few more translations of that. The King James says it like this: 18The LORD is nigh unto them that are of a broken heart; and saveth such as be of a contrite spirit.

Ok, kids calling...I am going to do a little more digging on the concept of a 'contrite spirit'!

He Chooses Not to Remember...I Should Too!

Wow, I don't know about you but from time to time I am struck hard by a very basic biblical principal. Things that I have been taught through the years suddenly now sink it. How humbling, how beautiful that He would choose to be part of my life, to speak to me so clearly through His word.
I have this tendancy to hang on. I don't hang onto the good stuff though...at least not all the time. I hang on to the stupid things I have done or said. I hold on and remind myself of them often, far too often. Wow, you can sure inflict a lot of unnecessary pain on yourself that way. It hurts my heart now when I think of it - I can only imagine what it does to His. It stinks of unbelief, of mistrust, of doubt. I want to be a fragrant offering to Him but not THAT kind of fragrance.
You know what my Bible says???! God CHOOSES NOT TO REMEMBER MY SIN! Oh my goodness, how many times I have heard that and it is only sinking in in this season of my life. I can imagine it must be hurtful to Him when he sees me dragging it up again and again. Don't you remember dear, I chose not to remember that? Why are you dragging that up?
Hebrews 8:12 tells of His mercy, that he will remember their sins no more
Isaiah 43:25 says "I, even I, am the one who wipes out your transgressions for My own sake, And I will not remember your sins.

That Cat

So, I have this cat. She is pregnant, again. It isn't my fault...well, obviously. But seriously, it isn't. She had a batch of kittens and I booked an appointment to have her fixed when some cats showed up at the neighbours. The neighbours took in some relatives who were in needs - sweet of them but they brought these cats. One of them impregnanted my cat before I could get her to the vet. Fester is his name. I call him Fester the Molester. The vet said I could bring her anyway...but I just could not do that. I am seriously NOT a cat person but really just couldn't abort kittens. So, once again my kids get to go through the trauma of giving sweet cuddly kittens away. Oh joy, oh bliss.

Oh, the neighbours' houseguests are gone now...they left Fester. For freak sake.

Been meaning to do this for a long time

Seriously, that is the story of my life. I AM a procrastinator. I am not proud of that fact, it causes me trouble on a daily basis but it IS a fact. So, after much procrastination, I have a blog. Well, Ihad one before but I never stuck with it and now it has been eaten by the netherwold of the internet.

Let me introduce myself. I am a 37 year old housewife and stay at home mom. My husband and I have 4 kiddos. Matt is 11, Solomon is 6, Lukey is 4 and Rachel is 22mths. You may find that those four little people end up taking up the majority of my posts on here. Hey, I spend a lot of time with them! I will get around to photos ad that sort of thing sometime soon....really I will. My husband is a network analyst for our health region. We live in northern Alberta...where the winters are long and the mosquitoes grow large. We are Christians and attend a baptist church....when we make it ;) I spend way too much time here on the internet and way too little time cleaning my house. So, if you see my mess, please understand...or at least pretend to.

I read this article a few months ago and it almost frightened me how much of myself it portrayed: http://psychologytoday.com/rss/pto-20030823-000001.html That is me in a nutshell. Scary when these things get stuck in your face like that!

That's all for now! Hope to get back to this soon...